STIs and disclosure: reducing shame in gay dating
How to talk about STIs and testing with partners, reduce shame and protect your sexual health.
Earl Johns, MSN, PMHNP-BC
Board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner and founder of Wellthy Psychiatry & Wellness
✓ Medically reviewed by Earl Johns, MSN, PMHNP-BC
STIs are common and treatable, yet the shame around them can feel bigger than the infection itself. Open conversations make dating safer and less stressful for everyone.
Why shame sticks
Many gay men grew up hearing that sex was dangerous or dirty. Old stigma from the HIV crisis still lingers. That can make a routine diagnosis feel like a judgment on your worth.
Testing as routine care
Regular testing, every three to six months for many sexually active people, is simply part of health care. PrEP visits often include it. Doxy-PEP is another prevention option to ask your provider about.
How to disclose
Pick a calm moment before things get physical. Keep it simple and factual: “I tested positive for X, I’ve been treated, and here’s what that means.” Share what you’re doing to protect your partner.
When anxiety takes over
If fear of STIs is affecting your sex life, or a diagnosis brought up shame or low mood, support can help. An affirming provider can talk it through without judgment.
A gentle next step
A free 15-minute phone consult is an easy way to see if Wellthy Psychiatry feels like the right fit for you.
This article is for general education and isn’t medical advice. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911.
About the author
Earl Johns, MSN, PMHNP-BC
Board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner · UCSF-trained · Founder of Wellthy Psychiatry & Wellness
Earl provides LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent-affirming psychiatric care, blending medication management, therapy and whole-person approaches. He sees clients in San Francisco and by telehealth across California.
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