Finding your chosen family as an adult
Why chosen family matters so much in LGBTQ+ life, and practical ways to build deep, lasting friendships.
Earl Johns, MSN, PMHNP-BC
Board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner and founder of Wellthy Psychiatry & Wellness
✓ Medically reviewed by Earl Johns, MSN, PMHNP-BC
For many LGBTQ+ people, chosen family is where we finally feel at home. But building it as an adult takes intention, especially after a move, a breakup or a hard season.
What chosen family means
Chosen family is the people who show up, celebrate you and know the real you. They may be friends, exes, mentors or neighbors. The bond is built through care, not obligation.
Where to find your people
Look for groups that meet regularly: queer sports leagues, choirs, hiking groups, faith communities that affirm you, volunteer work or recovery meetings. Consistency turns acquaintances into friends.
Deepen what you have
Invite someone for dinner. Check in after a hard week. Show up for birthdays and moves. Traditions like a monthly potluck or Friendsgiving help bonds grow.
When it feels hard
If trust feels risky because of past rejection, you’re not alone. Therapy can help you work through old fears so closeness feels safer.
A gentle next step
A free 15-minute phone consult is an easy way to see if Wellthy Psychiatry feels like the right fit for you.
This article is for general education and isn’t medical advice. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911.
About the author
Earl Johns, MSN, PMHNP-BC
Board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner · UCSF-trained · Founder of Wellthy Psychiatry & Wellness
Earl provides LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent-affirming psychiatric care, blending medication management, therapy and whole-person approaches. He sees clients in San Francisco and by telehealth across California.
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